Helping Children Learn How to Give and Receive Constructive Feedback

This blog is part of a series on Fostering Healthy Minds in Children at Church that provides strategies children’s leaders can use to foster healthy minds in children to whom they minister. And, hey, you may even pick up a tip or two to help those in your personal circles! If you’re new to the series, we encourage you to check out the introduction here.

Have you ever been asked for feedback at work or church only to find the person asking completely dismiss your answer or get upset at you? There’s no better way, really, to make you never want to speak up again!

When you are leading a children’s missions discipleship group, you want to make sure to include children in decision making and debriefing. This is crucial for kids to feel like they have a part and a choice in what is happening. That allows children to be more motivated to continue attending and feel invested.

The debriefing process includes asking for and receiving feedback from others, giving feedback to others, and evaluating for oneself how an activity or project went. So, how can we do that in an appropriate way, both for leaders and children?

Don’t Ask for Input When You Aren’t Ready for It

If you aren’t emotionally prepared for the answer, let me give you a tip: Don’t ask.

I remember so many times in my camp years coming up with (what I thought) was sheer brilliance, only to find out it was a complete flop! After hours of brainstorming and planning, then — WHAM — pure disappointment from staff or campers.

I had to learn I needed to either learn to be OK with criticism or not ask for suggestions until I was in a better headspace (not after only three hours of sleep and zero caffeine).

Let’s say you spent hours preparing an insightful lesson or planning a meaningful missions event, and you were so excited. Or, let’s say your group took part in planning a missions event. And now you’re ready to debrief the event. What do you do?

If you know you or children aren’t going to take constructive feedback well in the time immediately surrounding the lesson or event, don’t put yourself or them in the position to receive feedback at that point. It might be best to wait until the following week to do a debrief.

Prepare children for a debrief. Letting them know the debrief is coming and to be thinking about what they thought went well or what could have gone better gives them an opportunity to be prepared for constructive criticism, especially after a break from the excitement of the moment.

Don’t Be Dismissive

Kids say the darndest things, am I right? Sometimes you might ask for feedback and get the most off-the-wall response ever. So what do you do?

Step 1: Remain calm. Try not to be immediately dismissive. I know that is hard sometimes, depending on the answer or the manner in which it is given. However, you don’t want to shut a kid down to where they never suggest anything again. The last thing we want to do is embarrass a child or make them feel silly.

Step 2: Even if it is something completely impossible, try to acknowledge their creativity or loop a small part of what they mentioned into a future activity. See if you can find one part of their suggestion to reflect back, appreciate, or possibly incorporate/transform into a reasonable suggestion.

Don’t Forget: Practice Makes Progress

Giving and receiving feedback takes practice.

Children may not take the process of giving feedback seriously at first, especially if they’ve never had a chance to give feedback or have never been taken genuinely or seriously when they have given feedback.

Don’t give up on them! It may be helpful to practice these things when your group is calm so that they are more prepared when something big comes up.

When they are treated with respect, however, children will eventually catch on and be willing to participate in a safe, collaborative environment.

Brooklyn Hancock is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Registered Play Therapist, mom, and former Certified School Counselor. Her passions are working with children, adolescents, teens, adults, and parents to navigate life’s toughest challenges.

Disclaimer: The information shared on wmu.com is not meant to diagnose or treat a mental health condition. We encourage you to follow up with your health-care provider and seek a mental health professional for individual consultation and care.