Sarah came into my counseling office perplexed. “I don’t understand. My life is great. I have a loving husband, two wonderful children, close friends. Why do I feel anxious all the time? Why do I have knots in my stomach? Why do I yell at my children so easily?” When Sarah and I began to walk through her life story, she revealed traumatic events from her childhood, events she thought she had left in the past but that were actually wreaking havoc on her present life. 

What Is Trauma? 

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration defines trauma as a circumstance or event resulting in physical, emotional, or life-threatening harm. Trauma can be divided into two categories: “Big T trauma,” which includes major life events such as abuse, an accident, or a natural disaster, and “little t trauma,” which includes chronic stressors like bullying and emotional neglect. Both categories can produce long-lasting effects, including depression, anxiety, poor decision-making, and more—effects that can show up years later, even when life seems “good.” 

The Body Remembers 

In his book The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk states, “We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present.” Long after the trauma has been experienced, the body remembers, and it will remind us through emotional and physical reactions that are often out of proportion to the present situation, like irritability and anger, sweaty palms and a racing heart, and even panic attacks or emotional shutdown. 

Trauma can keep bodies in a state of hypervigilance, so a person perceives danger when there is none. This leaves a person in a constant state of fight or flight, so it doesn’t take much—a crying baby, squabbling siblings, a loud noise, or anything that reminds him or her of the past traumatic event—to produce a strong reaction, often leaving the person bewildered and sometimes ashamed. 

How to Heal 

Even though the effects of trauma can be intense and long lasting, there is hope for healing. 

1. Consider stepping toward, not away from, past wounds. 

When we experience pain, our natural instinct is to run from it. However, if we don’t face trauma from our past, it will continue to come out sideways in our present life. Van der Kolk says, “It takes enormous trust and courage to allow yourself to remember.” Processing past trauma can be scary, but it is the only way through to the other side. 

2. Seek professional help. 

If possible, enlist the help of a trauma-informed counselor to walk alongside you. Not only will they provide a safe space to talk about difficult things, but they will also support you through the turmoil you may experience as you remember and process. If you’re unable to obtain professional help, seek out a mature, wise, safe friend who will care for you well as you process your story. 

3. Pay attention to your body. 

Pay attention to what your body is trying to tell you and tend to it. When you experience physical symptoms of stress or anxiety, care for those symptoms. Breathe slowly and deeply. Slow down. Give your body a chance to regulate and come back to the present. 

4. Have compassion for your past and present selves. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard statements like, “What is wrong with me? I’m upset about something that happened ten, 20, 30 years ago. I should be over this by now!” Healing never comes through shame. Be kind to your past self who suffered the trauma and be kind to your present self who is still experiencing the effects of that trauma. Speak compassionate words like, “I understand why I’m feeling this way” and ask yourself caring questions like, “What do I need right now?” Remind yourself of present truths like, “I’m safe now.” 

Hope for Today 

When my son bought a navy-blue car, I said, “No one drives navy-blue cars!” But ever since he got it, guess what I’ve seen? Navy-blue cars. Why? Because I’ve been looking for them. Psalm 27:13 (AMP) says, “I would have despaired had I not believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Ultimately, we’ll experience full and complete healing from the past when we’re made perfect in heaven with Christ, but we’ll despair if we think healing will only come then. We can see evidence of the goodness of God now, even as healing is incomplete. Look for His goodness now. Search for His provision and care now, even in the smallest of things. When you seek, you will find. 

Scripture quotations marked (AMP) are taken from the Amplified® Bible, Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. 

Jennifer Phillips is a licensed professional counselor at Restore Ministries in Birmingham, Alabama. She is the author of Bringing Lucy Home and Hope When It’s Hard as well as the coauthor of Unhitching From the Crazy Train: Finding Rest in a World You Can’t Control. She is a wife and mother of four and loves reading great books, writing, and spending time with her family. 

[Disclaimer:] The information shared in this article is not meant to diagnose or treat a mental health condition. We encourage you to follow up with your health-care provider and seek a mental health professional for individual consultation and care.