Ways to Help Preschoolers Dealing with the Divorce of Parents

In the US, 40–50% of marriages end in divorce. It’s likely you will have one or more preschoolers in Mission Friends who are living with parents who are divorced or will soon be divorced.

Divorce often means big changes for a preschooler — a potential move, two homes, new caregivers, the absence of a parent and/or siblings, new people in their home, and so on.

Add to this the flood of emotions they may deal with such as sadness, anger, self-blame, fear, anxiety, and insecurity, and you have all the makings of a mental health predicament.

What can you do as a Mission Friends leader to help preschoolers dealing with the divorce of parents?

Keep an open line of communication with the preschooler’s parents.

- Regularly check in with parents to keep you up-to-date on circumstances and how they are impacting the child.
- Ask about behaviors to watch for and how the parent is addressing them.
- Advise parents of behaviors or conversations you experience with their preschooler so they are aware of how their child is dealing with the family crisis.
- This caring approach ministers to both child and parents during a difficult time.

Listen to the preschooler when they talk both to you and to their peers.

- Listen for key information preschoolers share like feelings, fears, or confusion.
- Actively listen by focusing your attention fully on the child as they share, making note of their body language and tone as well as their word choices.
- Encourage Mission Friends to show compassion and friendship to a child who is dealing with stress at home. Read select pages from Be Kind, Make Friends to help preschoolers see ways they can show kindness to their friends.
- Because of their age and lack of developed social and emotional skills, use the information you gather to decipher what a preschooler is trying to tell you. For example, a child might express fear by crying and asking when the parent who dropped them off is coming back.
- Be sensitive to the fact that preschoolers may feel insecure because one parent has left their everyday life and now they are worried that something may happen to their other parent.
- By actively listening, you can help address a preschooler’s concerns and provide tools to calm fears. For example, “Do you see the clock on the wall? When the big hand reaches the 11, mom will be back. Until then, we get to do our regular Mission Friends activities.”

Show grace and love to both preschooler and parents.

- This is your opportunity to model God’s grace and love and the biblical truths we are teaching preschoolers. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32 NIV). Model this in how you speak to preschoolers, and how you speak to and about their parents.
- The child’s and the parent’s behavior may be difficult, but rather than being irritated or frustrated, see them through Jesus’ eyes. In Matthew 14, Jesus had a plan to get away for a little rest, but the needy crowd showed up. When He saw them, rather than being irritated or frustrated, “he had compassion on them and healed their sick” (Matt. 14:14). Jesus’ approach to the people made the difference in their lives. You can do the same by modeling God’s love during this difficult time.
- Remember to regularly pray for preschoolers and their families.

by Gina Smith

Disclaimer: The information shared on this page is not meant to diagnose or treat a mental health condition. We encourage you to follow up with your health-care provider and seek a mental health professional for individual consultation and care.