Divorce is considered one of the most stressful events a person can experience. It is not an easy subject to talk about whether you are experiencing it personally or it affects a loved one. Every divorce represents shattered expectations and uncertainty. 

When something as intimate and involved as marriage is ended by choice, there are myriad mental health concerns. Where do you start? What do you address first? 

Remember Whose You Are 

Christians often experience guilt in a divorce because they feel they are doing something contrary to what the Bible teaches about marriage. They may feel judged by other Christians. Regardless of whether there is a biblical ground for pursuing divorce, all divorce reflects a broken world, and everyone involved is an imperfect person. We must also remember that anyone who admits their sins to Christ and surrenders to His lordship is forgiven (Psalm 130:4; Mark 3:28). God has the power to redeem these “jars of clay” (2 Cor. 4:7 NIV). 

If you have experienced or are experiencing divorce, take some time to remember who God is—as Scripture defines Him and as He has been revealed in your life. He calls you His child, and He loves you (1 John 3:1). He wants to give you what is good (Matt. 7:9–11). He is your refuge (Psalm 46:1). God does not leave you (Deut. 31:8). He is right in the midst with you through it all (Isa. 43:2). Take to heart the words of Psalm 46:10 and reflect on who God is: “Be still, and know that I am God.”  

Allow Yourself to Grieve 

Whatever the circumstances, you need to let yourself grieve the losses resulting from your divorce. They are real, and they affect how you live each day. Seek the help you need to grieve. That might take the form of a grief counselor, a support group, or a trusted confidant. Leaning on someone else provides stability and assistance (Eccl. 4:9–12). 

Divorce has many components. Take the time you need to deal with each one. Most experts assert that working through the stages of emotions surrounding divorce mirrors navigating the stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each of these stages takes time to work through, they are not experienced in any particular order, and you can jump back into a stage you’ve already been through before. 

Allow yourself the time needed to acknowledge and feel each emotion. Each one is valid. Wrestle with some if you have to. Facing your emotions and dealing with them is better than pushing them aside for them to pop up at a later time. Give yourself the grace God gives you. He allows you the time to learn. Purposefully choose to defer major changes, when possible. Allow time for the “dust to settle” from all the changes the divorce brought before you change other things. 

Choose to Forgive 

Forgiveness is the key to moving through this process. Identify your errors and forgive yourself. Forgiving others is next. Matthew 6:15 and Luke 6:37 are two examples in which we are directed by God to forgive as He forgives. Is it humanly easy? No! It requires tapping into God’s reservoirs of strength and love. But He provides them for times such as this. By forgiving yourself and others, you free yourself from guilt and anger—two heavy burdens. This process takes time, and it’s something you may have to choose over and over, especially as you will feel the effects of divorce in different seasons and situations. 

Practice Gratitude as You Grieve 

By purposefully choosing to thank God for the positives around you during this process, you allow rays of hope to shine through—even while you intentionally grieve and feel the hard feelings at the same time. Your health, a dear friend’s company, a good cup of tea, or a beautiful sunset are places to start. Once you start, you will find other things that are good and that you are grateful for in the midst of the difficulty. First Thessalonians 5:18 instructs us to “give thanks in all circumstance; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Gratitude helps us process and changes how we see things. And it empowers us to engage again. Being in community and serving God brings us joy. Joy and hope go hand in hand. 

As you travel this journey called divorce, remember the Bible says, “It came to pass” more than 450 times in the King James Version. The difficulty will pass. This life and its troubles are temporary. God and His love never changes. Run to Him, lean on Him, trust Him—just be with Him. He will be all you need and so much more. 

[Disclaimer:] 

The information shared in this article is not meant to diagnose or treat a mental health condition. We encourage you to follow up with your health-care provider and seek a mental health professional for individual consultation and care. 

Gina Smith defines her life as the Japanese art of kintsukuroi. Brokenness, including divorce, has been mended by God with His “golden joinery” to make her life not only useful again but more beautiful than before.