When Our Parents Age: Living Faithfully through a Time of Role Reversal

Do you ever say to yourself, I’m not old enough to … have kids graduating high school, be retirement planning … you fill in the blank. The person you see in the mirror can’t possibly be ready to deal with what you are facing, right? Time moves quickly, and sometimes it seems to leap.

At no other time do we feel this more than when we face the mortality of our parents. Whether we are dealing with the realities of them aging or are facing their loss, it feels as though we just shouldn’t be here yet. They’ve always been the grown-up, and we are the children. They handled tough stuff like this, not us. And yet, here we are. Now what?

During difficult transitions, having a game plan is beneficial. What does that look like with an aging or dying parent?

Be Honest

Being honest with yourself on every level is important — spiritual, mental/emotional, and physical.

Spiritual: Recognize that as with any “battle,” you must be prepared. Ephesians 6:10–17 outlines the pieces of our armor. A soldier must first train, then armor up each day, then rely on his or her training. Spend time daily in Scripture, in prayer, and in fellowship with other believers to train yourself in faithfulness to the Lord so you will be prepared for the days of battle.

Mental/emotional: Express your actual feelings. Acknowledge the grief, fear, anger, doubt, and sadness to yourself and to God. Scripture tells us to bring everything to God (Phil. 4:6–7). Set aside time daily to do this so that your emotions do not build up. Grief can be the hardest part as you mourn the loss of who your parents were to you — strong, invincible, and able to care for you. Whether their decline happens slowly or quickly, you’re watching who they’ve been slip away, and that’s painful. Bring that to God.

Physical: Physical needs must be addressed daily. You need physical rest and solid nutrition. You cannot adequately help someone else if your body is worn out. Plan time into your days to prepare nutritious meals, rest, and get fresh air.

Ask for Help

Recognize that you need help. Psalm 121:2 reminds us our “help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” (NIV). This help takes many forms. It comes in the peace that passes all understanding (Phil. 4:7), it comes in miraculous health and healing, and it comes in the support He places in our lives from friends, family, church members, professionals, and organizations. It could be a medical assistant or care facility during the week, financial services from area agencies, a coworker covering a project, or a prayer partner with whom you have regular prayertime.

Look for and accept help. Whether the ways other people help are little or big, once or ongoing, they can help you shoulder the burdens that get so heavy. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it is actually a sign of great strength and wisdom to acknowledge your limits and seek help when and where you need it.

Consider the Road Ahead

Recognize this is a marathon, not a sprint. That means you have to pace yourself. Even if it appears as though your time with your parent is coming to an imminent close, the emotional and sometimes logistical requirements last an extended period of time. You don’t have to do everything at once, and you don’t have to have all the answers the first few days after a debilitating health episode or death. Try to take each day one step at a time while you continue to be honest and ask for help.

Celebrate

Yes, you are dealing with some difficult issues, but you can still find things to celebrate, like a birthday, anniversary, or maybe just “Taco Tuesday.” Take time to look through photographs together, remembering good times you’ve shared. A celebration mindset will renew both you and your parent. Remember to thank the Lord, the giver of every perfect gift (James 1:17), and rejoice in Him (Phil. 4:4)! This provides fertile ground for hope, joy, and peace to grow.

You aren’t alone when you think, I’m too young to be facing this. You are not alone in your fears, anxieties, and struggles. You can find people in your life who are willing to walk alongside you to provide encouragement and assistance. Hebrews 13:5–6 reminds us God is our helper, and He never leaves us. Journey on!

Gina Smith has been crazy about missions ever since she was a Sunbeam. One of her greatest joys in life is teaching people about Jesus and doing hands-on missions. She has been a missions educator since her early teens and has written for WMU for 18 years.

Disclaimer: The information shared in this article is not meant to diagnose or treat a mental health condition. We encourage you to follow up with your health-care provider and seek a mental health professional for individual consultation and care.